Golden Press

Diary Entry: Hearts and Kisses Where Are You


I have secretly been obsessing about a “man.” But not just any man, my future husband. After reading how blogger, Faith,  fell in love with her now husband on Great Smitten and being stuck in what seems to be a fictional world since graduating from college. I have been dreaming of the perfect man for me.

I guess I could run through the criteria on here, after all who really reads this blog. 🙂

Tall, well at least over 5’7. Dark, like dark chocolate. Educated, that doesn’t necessarily mean college degree. Adventurous, it means exactly what Webster’s dictionary has listed.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and how I ended up single. My cousins listed me as the first to get married, but not have kids. I even had a ‘teenhood’ beau who I was madly in lust with until I went to college to tell me he saw me meeting my husband in college. Whoooooo! that never happened. Now at the age of 23 I’m considering that maybe I should be more open and nicer. I should dress as if I’m trying to catch a man. Whatever that means. I should say some more prayers. I don’t believe in the action of keep praying for the same things or asking. Just one prayer per thing for me. I will only ask once. Though, I have asked for a man that has all of the qualities as well as some of the qualities that I may need and not want. As I grow older I ask for someone who is very understanding and that I not settle.

Perhaps, God is allowing me to be single for a few more years to accomplish my dreams or come close to it. Because at the end of the day I’m really hoping I haven’t already met the man I am supposed to marry. I know God knows better, but Ghee. Isn’t there that feeling that everyone talks about getting when they know they’re in love. And after watching Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. (Wait, before you judge me!) and hearing a man (referring to Lil Scrappy) say she doesn’t have the umph. I believe that it’s not just women who look for that extra thing when dating. We all want to feel it. Like butterflies, which I have never felt before.

This real life thing doesn’t come easy. I thought after graduating I would be considering my next career moves with anticipation. I would be knocking down doors and breaking down walls. But I also thought I would have met a man by now. And not just any man, but one who teaches me how to grow and whether it worked out or not I would have gained something. More importantly had a sweet taste of nectar high that I have seen my friends experience. See this isn’t about Television or movies. This is about that daily reality that you have witnessed or glanced at on people’s social media feeds. It’s about your own happy beginnings and renewals.

I’m not too bitter like some other women to think that it will never come. I guess I’ve become a little anxious in the last few months. Hoping the next guy’s eye I meet would think the same thing I was thinking, “may she’s the one.”

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July 6, 2012 - Posted by | Fun, Fun Topics

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