Golden Press

Diary Entry: Summer 2012 Go Away


This summer has been a little cloudy. I’ve had some bad days. Days that never started out bad, but were turned bad because of my expectations. I had to rethink my steps that led me to this summer. Led me to this place where I am ready to escape.

The searching through social media sites and reading other status 24 hours back is not enough. The rolling of the mouse against job emails and job searches has me with a migraine.

I thought by now. I would be on an adventure everyday searching for the next story idea. I also thought I would be more forthcoming of my thoughts. My living situtation isn’t comfortable, but it was the best choice at that time. My job situation is not sastifying, but it was the first yes I got. My attitude is so, so.

I’m up and down about where to go next. I do know one thing. I need a change and some assistance. I know I have been in dire (well it seemed at that time) situations. I  have also been more at ease.

Maybe this summer I learned you have to make the best decisions for you, but at what cost. I also learned that you have to stay true to yourself. I shouldn’t have to change to appeal or make things easier. I shouldn’t have to sit.

I think this summer I have been honest with everyone, but myself. Oooweee! That’s a first to say. For the first time I have held my tongue in situations when I needed to speak out of fear or just to make things easy. I have settled when I should have fought for more.

I have realized this summer that I am determined to succeed. So if I had to walk away from this early career decision, I could do so knowing that I am talented enough to pursue something else and succeed.

I have allowed someone to put me in a box. I hate to even type it. I have allowed a person to decide what I would walk away with this summer, but I have been patience knowing that good things do come along. I have been patience because it’s a good quality to have.

My summer has me about to explode. A summer that I have looked forward to all year long has been twisted up side down. This has to be my worst summer, if I must admit. And in this summer I have learned so much about myself. Most importantly I have learned to accept myself for the qualities I have. Trying to change and be something I am not (let’s say modify to be more appealing) is not the woman I was becoming.

Though others wanted to see me change. I surely believe because I was too difficult to read. I am where people come to seek truth and advice. I am the one who puts my friends first depending on the need. My great qualities outweight the one that few meet (mostly black women) hate to face.  I say it’s growing pains. There will be times I will have to adjust, but change my complete attitude is not. That’s what makes me such a great fighter. A warrior I would have to say.

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August 2, 2012 - Posted by | Fun, Fun Topics

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