Golden Press

#Augustwritingchallenge – Day 23 – Envy


I think this has been my worst characteristic since childhood (plus an attitude problem people say I have. My family calls it the ugly side. They say my mommie had it too. So I get it from my mommie). I have always wanted what someone else has had, but only after I wasn’t able to get it.

When my friends had boyfriends. I wanted a boyfriend. Truthfully I’m a 23-year-old who can say she has never seriously dated anyone. Kind of sad.

I tried out for the dance team. I didn’t make it. And someone I knew who tried out with me did. I wanted to be a member of the dance team too.

The girls who got Teddy Bear and Candy for V-day. I wanted someone to buy me a teddy bear and give me some candy.

Another truth. In the 11th grade I dated a guy who bought me a bear, shoes, candy, and flowers. He was too clingy so I got rid of him.  Well not really rid of him, but I did break up with him.

I asked him not to buy me flowers and finally I threw them in the trash.

*Now I wish I guy would buy me any types of flowers.

*Also I was digging on this other guy who was a BIG DOG. But I was wrapped in his scent seriously. He smelled so good.

In the 10th grade I had a guy bring me balloons and a Cabbage Patch Doll (long story behind the doll). Actually it’s not. I have always wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll because growing up my friends had one. My cousin even had one, but I never did. So I told him I wanted one.

Envy is such a strong thing. I don’t know when I’ll become comfortable enough with my own place in life to not envy what others have.

A recent friend just got engaged. She didn’t ask me to be a bride’s maid. For a moment I was catching feelings. Wondering what her new friends had that made them so special. Thinking when I finally meet them. How I will react or communicate.  It finally hit me that we had grown apart (mostly because of my bad friend ways again. Check out #augustwritingchallenge-day 3  – connection) Then I thought about it. If I had gotten engaged I wouldn’t have called her up to ask her to be a bride’s maid. So what’s all the fust about. In the end. The point is that she wants to include me in her special day even though we have grown apart. She took time out to include me on her invitation list.

I think it also bothered me that she had found the one. I am so happy for her. But sometimes I wonder when my shining knight will appear as well.

Some things are not envy. Some times our emotions are just that. The same feelings we felt when all our friends got cars in high school. I know I wanted a car. The same feeling when our freind from college gets a job right after. I wondered what did they do that landed them that job and asked for tips.

Doesn’t mean I’m not happy with where I’m at, but there are things I want too.  We/I wonder when our/my time will come. We continue the grind. We continue the hunt.  We pursue things that fit us like softball and track. We join the yearbook staff.

We step away from dating to concentrate on our own habits that may make us a better person.

Is Envy always bad?

In all, I want to get married because my parents were married. I want someone to share my life with. I want someone to come home to. I want to give my love to someone and have them love me back.  I want a career in journalism because of women I have admired. I could right about things that the media neglects. Like the good in the black community. The good in minority communties. I want to be a mother because my mother was a great mother. And now that I no longer have her I want to give someone the best of her qualities. I wanted to join a particular organization in college because of the women who had influenced me and knowing that I want to influence young women too. Everything I want in life is because someone has shown me that I can too have it. That it is possible for me. I attended college because my teachers were college educated and I too wanted to have a degree. So is envy always bad?

*I think Envy can be bad, but is it always wrong to want what someone else has? Not everything they have, but the little things. The little moments.

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August 23, 2012 - Posted by | Fun, Fun Topics

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