Golden Press

December Challenge Day 8

Maybe I was exceeding my own expectations when I told myself I would blog here everyday until the New Year. How about every weekend I told myself today. Since working my overnight job as an online intern I’ve had plenty of time to think (especially Saturday/Sunday nights.)

A friend gave me a book about a week in a half ago. I looked him in his eyes and told him I would read it before the New Year. I’m just making it to Chapter 1 after reading both the original preface and the new preface. I bet you are wondering what the book is. I have decided not to disclose the name until I’m well into the last chapter. For now I’ll leave a guessing reader with this quote:

“He did not say to himself, “Ah, well, what’s the use? I guess I’ll change my mind and try for a salesman’s job.” But he did say, “I came here to go into business with Edison, and I’ll accomplish this end if it takes the remainder of my life.” He meant it! What a different story people would have to tell if only they would adopt a definite purpose, and stand by the purpose until it had time to become an all-consuming obsession!”

This quote along got me…. I had never thought about my dream as possibly taking a lifetime. I have always considered it perhaps taking until I was 30. After 30 I would be planning my next move to be a housewife. As pro-woman as I am. I am also pro-choice. Pro-choice to making decisions and living a life you are comfortable with. There are times when I think I would be more satisfied in life sitting at home decorating, pulling weeds in a garden, preparing meals for a family, and taking kids to extracurricular activities. I see my life as this after 30. I have never been a woman who wanted to live out my dream while managing a family or marriage.

But I thought tonight what if I didn’t meet my full potential at 30, would I be willing to walk away from my dream to work on the next big thing. Is my dream worth compromising a life that I would like to live and if I lived that life would I always wonder about my dream.

The quote above made me think if I am well-invested in this thing I call a dream. Am I willing to spend my entire lifetime in search or journey of it. Could I throw in the towel when I had tired. I looked up at the sky and told myself today. I could live this life. I could live it right here. I could begin working a job that allowed me to be comfortable and accomplish the things everyone seeks. A well-paying job, ownership of a home/car, friends and kids. But this isn’t the life I want.  At this moment in my life. The life I want exceeds my wildest dreams. The life I want would make me a student of the world and expert in world cultures/policies. The life I want would have my children seeing foreign lands and speaking a second language. When I settle down. It would be because I have accomplished those things I have listed. Not on a bucket list, but a lifetime list.

I have always believed it was our decision to decide our fate and we are guided. I’ve been guided. I still believe God has the power to guide and instruct.

I attended the annual Christmas Parade in my hometown. For the first time I saw my life here. But I don’t believe it was reality. In my life right now I am just living. And with living comes letting go and thinking about how things can end up. How I would like things to end up. There’s something I want to accomplish. There’s a certain life I want to live. And if I happen to have kids I want to give them a certain type of life. For now I will reflect on this quote because to me it represents where a large amount of people who are dreamers lose their way. Seek comfort.

I don’t want comfort. I want to be so uncomfortable that every bit of me can’t keep quiet.


December 9, 2012 - Posted by | December Challenge

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