Golden Press

January Challenge Day # 19

Tonight I have the urge to smoke a cigarette. It’s been a minute…. Smoke for all the things that haven’t been going right or things that seem to be unwavering.

But then I remembered I don’t have a lighter. It was in my other bag threw in the corner by my bookshelf. It made me angry that I couldn’t light my cigarette freely. It made me angry that I have been procrastinating these entire 4 months. I have been awaiting a sign of some sort. I have been waiting for apart of me to return. Hopefully it isn’t still lost somewhere between my dream street of New York and the day I decided to return to Louisiana.

John Coltrane’s Blue Train album isn’t enough. I want silence. I just want everything to be quiet so I can hear myself think. I can hear the letters I have written dancing off the pages. Dancing off the screen.

Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue album. Perhaps it can comfort my raging thoughts. Thoughts of sinking back into concrete that I thought I had broken through. Two steps forward to only feel like I have went 20 steps back. When you’re uncertain of where life is taking you, though you feel like you have pleaded for it to be gentle.

After taking a deep-breath you have to ask yourself isn’t it okay just to enjoy the ride some times. Just keep moving forward with action and eventually (because you have learned that hard work, persistence, and passion is rewarded) you’ll be somewhere looking back and squinting your eyes trying to find the times things weren’t in your favor. Searching for the dark blue skies that lurked over your colorful rainbow dreams.

Patience is not just a virtue, but often times a way of living………………….when life is giving you the “Blues.”


January 20, 2013 - Posted by | January Challenge

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