Golden Press

February Challenge Day #21 A Sleepless Night

Nights when you cannot sleep. That’s how this blog came about.

A sleepless night in Louisiana. This is where my night has fallen. Days in a bed tucked underneath blankets trying to hide from myself. Seeking advice and direction. Not because I am lost, but afraid of making a mistake.

How does one get here? I have re-evaluated my situation for the past five months. I still have no clue. Perhaps I do and I would then have to admit that I have already made mistakes in the past five months. I could name them. But I have a feeling I will never forget the choices that I made leading me to awake to a 9 a.m. unpaid internship. So much debt I could be calling myself a homeowner now. Wasted dollars I could have used to travel or saved.

A dear friend of mines, a journo colleague, called it the season of preparation.

I know I have been going around in my head and on this blog for the past 5 months. So repetitive. So boring. But I do know everything I am experiencing here makes sense. The no journo job part doesn’t. But the taking time out part does. And opportunities have still been presented to me. Not on a grand scale of things, but I’m able to gather clips. And not only am I learning, but I am being refreshed on what it means to have a career in journalism.

I am getting back to why I wanted to be a journalist and not considering what becoming a journo would do for me. It’s what I have wanted to do or give to communities. If this is not the right way I will find another way.

The same friend mentioned something about time. Time not being ours to decide. We don’t give time. We don’t decide when it is perfect timing for things to be received. God grants us time.

We do not call on God for things we can control or do. We call on him for the things that are out of our control. (My friend’s words tonight)

So my sleepless night has turned into one that reminds me to have faith like before. In knowing what I know there are more things to come and more opportunities to be presented.

#Patience

February is almost over and this is my first blog. For weeks I have had things to write. For weeks I have been sitting on my words. Because they have been words of encouragement and motivation to keep myself moving. I have not wanted to talk to people to keep my own sanity and prevent myself from hashing out the same ol same ol. Relationship madness but this that is not a relationship. Non deserving of titles and security (whatever that means). Career madness (passion, but no energy for more rejection.) Placement in a non-city (feeling limbo). Finance madness. (ol where did all the money go, Yo B!) The same problems as probably some in my generation with a job. These are problems that don’t go away. Eventually you find a balance. You find a better way to handle the madness. If we had all the answers right away and life were so peachy. Would there be reasons to celebrate? Would there be reasons to smile brighter on extraordinary days? Would there be reasons to stop and say how much you appreciate the moment? Without lessons, ups and downs, and uncertainty …… (who knows).  The who knows part is always the catch. It’s like the secure garment or trap that somehow without anyone being aware has a small hole in it. The who knows…..It has to all be for a reason, right?

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February 21, 2013 Posted by | February Challenge | Leave a comment