Golden Press

January Challenge Day #27 Bizzy Brain

Bizzy Bizzy Buzz Brain. That’s how I feel when I think about all the things I can start to do right. But we have to take it one day at a time. I suppose.

When I thought about writing this blog yesterday. Yes, I thought about writing it yesterday right after I finished Day #26. The first thing that came to mind is Bold. Bold in style. Bold in expression. Bold in loving. Bold in tongue. Bold in asking. Bold in imagination. But fearful in fleeing is how I feel today. Fearful in losing. Fearful in taking. Fearful in removing the blindfold from my pierced eyes on victory (things I have been waiting for, that have arrived, but it seems they’re still not for me).

Things always seem to be much harder when you go against the grain. The grain as in against what is normal. A 9 to 5 is normal. Finding a good job with great benefits in this economy is normal. I should say more of a blessing. However, if I thought whether inexperienced, unwise, or just naive that I have the rest of my life to make money what would make a difference in one year or technically a few months. If I chose to wait things out and finally be still and patience.

Keeping yourself motivated is the hardest thing you have to do when everyone has their own opinion. Everyone wants to put in their advice. Some even want to set your sights on their idea of how life should be for you. What if the life they are presenting is not the one you envisioned when dreaming.

Clustered Scattered Brain of loose ideas jumping from left to right on an invisible keyboard. Every peck is like a hit underneath the fingernails. Painful and quick.

Some seek a fulfilled life while others take what life gives.

I think people like to see how you bounce back when you have made bad choices. Do you turn to God out of desperation because you have tried everything you could. Do you reach out to people you have never asked of anything. Do you give up.

Life has been too good to me that I know things will luck up (get better) and when they do I’ll be standing up on both feet with sunglasses to block the light beaming on my journey.

January 28, 2013 Posted by | January Challenge | Leave a comment

January Challenge Day #26 NoSettling

I’m the type of woman who is satisfied by simple things like phone calls and outings with good girlfriends. But I’m also complicated. The older I become by hours, days, weeks, and months I expect more from myself, the opposite sex, friends, family, and employers. I think someone said practice what you preach.

I tend to want what I want when I want it and how I want it. Some have called me spoiled. Couldn’t I just be a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t willing to settle. I have realized from observing career women/single women around my age that it’s hard to find a good man. It’s especially hard to walk away from a good man (not knowing when the next one who’s the right one will come along) because somewhere inside he doesn’t give you, fit into your master plan, or he’s just not for you. It’s a feeling you get. I’ve never been in love, but I have definitely felt that a man wasn’t for me. It’s like a gift I have. I’m waiting to feel the umph, butterflies, and all the other stuff one feels.

I’m not good at communicating my emotions (what I feel) likely because I’m afraid of falling hard. Afraid if things do not work I will not be able to pull myself back together or I will become bitter like other women I have met/watched. But not just with love it’s hard for me to be honest about my emotions because I am always considering other people’s feeling when it comes to family and friends.

The older I get I become more conservative and less bold. I understand the more responsibilities I have and I become stressed. I understand the decisions I make affect all those around me. I understand the things I say may not need to be said. Sometimes people just need your support.

Often when I am honest with my emotions it comes off harsh and brash. People think I am being mean or I have an attitude problem (may be a little intimidating – all things I’ve been told). Where do you find the balance in communicating your emotions. How do you learn to not settle in life when it comes to love, career choices, and situations? Where do you muscle up the fight to tell someone they are wrong because you believe something else better will come along as it pertains to your life?

I remember writing a Facebook message that said you can make your dreams come true out here. #realtalk. I meant it then. I mean it now.

I’m not picky, I just know what I want and I refuse to settle. But I’m always willing to compromise.

January 27, 2013 Posted by | January Challenge | Leave a comment

January Challenge Day #20 Female Journos Rock, Women Rock

I didn’t know where to start writing. Inspiration from a FB post of a female journo I have met and love shared this link. 10 Tips to know Before Dating a Female Journalist by Jenifer Herring. The world just made more sense to me after reading these tips. They’re so true. Female Journos are hardcore.

This may be one of the reasons why a male journo has never stuck out to me. I always wanted a female journo as a mentor. These women hold their ground when everything in their personal life is falling apart. As women we still manage to get the job done. (Holding toddlers while conducting an interview, working from home to swing your child off of the nipple, leaving your significant other/family for months at time, balancing a committed relationship through distance phone calls, battling cancer, taking care of extended family and making career moves that benefit you.) And these women are a phone call away.

I am proud to say that I wanted to be a warrior fighting for the next big thing/story/truth. Journalism is more than about seeing a byline and so much more than cute faces on TV screens.

I would one day like to be known as the fearless firecracker journo from Baton Rouge, La. I’m going somewhere because I refuse to accept any limitations. Back to trying to crack out these two freelance stories. #journogrind

Too often you have to give yourself a peptalk. No one knows where you truly want to go or your deepest heart desire, but you & God. ūüôā

In honor of MLK Day do something he would have done tomorrow. Most people like to say community service, but if that ain’t your thing there’s many other things I’m sure you could think of.

January 21, 2013 Posted by | January Challenge | Leave a comment

January Challenge Day # 19

Tonight I have the urge to smoke a cigarette. It’s been a minute…. Smoke for all the things that haven’t been going right or things that seem to be unwavering.

But then I remembered I don’t have a lighter. It was in my other bag threw in the corner by my bookshelf. It made me angry that I couldn’t light my cigarette freely. It made me angry that I have been procrastinating these entire 4 months. I have been awaiting a sign of some sort. I have been waiting for apart of me to return. Hopefully it isn’t still lost somewhere between my dream street of New York and the day I decided to return to Louisiana.

John Coltrane’s Blue Train album isn’t enough. I want silence. I just want everything to be quiet so I can hear myself think. I can hear the letters I have written dancing off the pages. Dancing off the screen.

Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue album. Perhaps it can comfort my raging thoughts. Thoughts of sinking back into concrete that I thought I had broken through. Two steps forward to only feel like I have went 20 steps back. When you’re uncertain of where life is taking you, though you feel like you have pleaded for it to be gentle.

After taking a deep-breath you have to ask yourself isn’t it okay just to enjoy the ride some times. Just keep moving forward with action and eventually (because you have learned that hard work, persistence, and passion is rewarded) you’ll be somewhere looking back and squinting your eyes trying to find the times things weren’t in your favor. Searching for the dark blue skies that lurked over your colorful rainbow dreams.

Patience is not just a virtue, but often times a way of living………………….when life is giving you the “Blues.”

January 20, 2013 Posted by | January Challenge | Leave a comment

January Challenge Day #13

I wanted to let you know I did finish the mystery book entitled “Think and Grow Rich.” It was a great read for someone who needed encouragement. I guess I should have told my friend Thank You. I read every chapter except one. The one I didn’t read at the time was too long, but it also mentioned something later on in the book about finding your true calling/career/and etc.

I believe that part I wanted to keep to myself. I want to walk my true purpose with God. I’ve already dreamed of everything I could do with my life and everything I could be in life. Now I’m awaiting God’s path.

I actually started writing this blog yesterday. I remembered in my quest of spilling my every thought that I could write forever (I could also talk forever).

January 15, 2013 Posted by | January Challenge | Leave a comment

January Challenge Day#12 Hours

I had a professor in college who told me he went to bed around midnight only to awake at 5 every morning. I wondered what would possess a person to work off of less than 8 hours of sleep. How could he function. It’s not until now I realize he accomplishes more in his days/hours than the average human. What drives a person to stay up working or doing something, which they know won’t allow them time to rest.

We’ve all heard the saying, “I’ll rest when I’m dead.”

Yesterday, a good friend introduced me to Eric Thomas and he discussed hours. What do you do with your hours. We only get so many a day, week, month, and year. If we could add up all our hours, what would the sum of accomplishments be?

It’s so easy to put things off to the next day what we know can be completed in five minutes. I’ve never thought about time as hours. I’ve had some of my best times when entertainment such as TV wasn’t occupying my minutes.

My best lessons have been through literature and thoughtful conversation. At the end of the day I never was one who enjoyed talking on the phone while growing up. I can remember having friend-girls call my house in elementary and telling my mom to tell them I was busy. The older I got I realized as important as it is to be active it is also important to develop strong relationships with people. At the end of the day I can call on some of those same people (I hope one day) for encouragement, a favor, advice, or just for some perspective on life.

No matter how busy I was in college I don’t regret it. It showed how time could be valuable to growth. It showed me how things are accomplished. It made me work hard. There were times in college where I felt like time was wasted, but not as much as these last 4 months. I’ve done a lot of thinking. I’ve done a lot of wishing. I’ve done a lot of reflection. Now I just want to get back to a lot of working. I’m trying to find a balance. Though, my plan of action for after graduation didn’t workout. It doesn’t mean I have to stop planning. It doesn’t mean I have to stop setting goals. It’s the way I’m accustom to living my life.

January 13, 2013 Posted by | January Challenge | Leave a comment